Idea for this post taken from this prompt.

Dictionaries define the word “bumble” as a verb referring to the act of moving, acting, or speaking in an awkward or confused manner.

Sometimes I feel like I am the epitome of the word “bumble”.  I think back on choices I have made over the years, and I realize that my path to finding myself has not been a straight line, but a meandering path with a lot of dead ends and backtracks.  I think back on even the littlest things, and I wonder: what if I had stuck with band class in sixth grade instead of quitting after just a couple of days?  What if I had taken that driver’s education class?  What if I had said yes to that boy who had asked me to go to a dance with him when I was 14 and not bowed to the pressure of my parents (who thought I was too young at the time)?  What if I hadn’t dropped out of college?  What if I had been able to find steady work?  What if I’d been more assertive about myself and my ideas and opinions?  And even now, I see so many possibilities for my future, but my own personal path has so many forks in the road that I don’t know how to go about it.  In my 30 years so far, I have bumbled through my life without so much of an idea of where I want it to go.  And it bugs the crap out of me.

It bugs the crap out of me because I know I should be doing better things.  It bugs the crap out of me because I feel like I should’ve already had an idea of what I want to do with my life now.  It bugs the crap out of me because I feel like I’ve disappointed my family.  It bugs the crap out of me because I feel like I’ve disappointed myself.

I don’t know if it’s just me, or if it’s a common view in my generation.  Why do so many of us have such a lack of personal fulfillment?  How do we deal with all these crossroads in our lives and pick a path that not only leads to self-sufficiency but also to self-fulfillment?  How do we make our own lives and preserve our happiness at the same time?  Do we have to sacrifice happiness to become self-sufficient or can we have both?  How can we escape the constant feeling of bumbling through life and actually take control?

Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for that question right now, but there is one thing I have figured out in my first 30 years so far: it’s okay to not know all the answers.  Hopefully, my not knowing doesn’t resign itself to complacency and results in my life ending with no purpose, meaning, or fulfillment.  I hope to be able to answer that question someday.  I hope a lot of people in my generation going through the same challenges are able to answer that question as well.

5 thoughts on “Bumble

  1. Totally understand your feelings and thoughts, I too thought that as I was growing up. I am 48 this year and do not have the answers. I have done so much in my life, and my friends and colleagues had commented over the years “what haven’t you done? and who don’t you know?” But in my 20’s I wanted to find out who I was, and go down roads less travelled. I read copious amounts, and all through my 20’s enrolled in educational classes (and I still do), I went down the road of being out on the town all the time, meeting people and making friends, and again, I don’t have the answers.

    It is human to not know what all the answers are. You are you, and that is what makes you. I believe we never fail or take the wrong road, we just follow what we feel is natural, and if that means that you do not drive, did not date at 14, then embrace it, you would not be you if you had gone any other way.

    I am reminded of the following when I read your post in relation to the answer which is, dare I say, a beast in all of us. “Your beast is just a burden that you never keep in line.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hmm…didn’t know that. That blog was active as of yesterday. I considered the possibility that I may have entered the URL wrong in the editor (because the tablet I use is so old it can sometimes be a tool and not do what I want to do…it’s a Toshiba that runs Android 4 aka Ice Cream Sandwich…it’s so old that Toshiba doesn’t even make tablets anymore); it was not wanting to paste the URL into the link editor when I was typing it (I use the WordPress app because I can type in it much faster than in the browser).

      That’s okay…I’m sure I’ll find other sources if I get blogger’s block again. Thanks for the heads up!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Okay, I just went and checked the URL I had entered for that link and compared it to the one for The Daily Post, and it turns out I did make an error in entering the URL (I put a “the” in front of “dailypost” when there shouldn’t have been one). A quick trip to my editor, and I now have the right URL and the link now works.

      Liked by 1 person

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