In Search of Knitting Mojo

I have to admit something: one side effect of mourning the death of my mom was that I kind of lost the desire to knit for a while. It wasn’t really her death itself that caused it, but it just seemed like for the last couple of months, I just felt no desire to pick up my needles or hooks. I tried a handful of projects, but nothing stuck. I don’t think it was depression, more like fatigue. Like, there was a lot of feelings I had to sort through before I could start to feel some sort of joy again. And my body just felt tired after all those years of caring for her. I mean, I even sacrificed sleep and my own self-care to make sure she was taken care of.

It wasn’t until the beginning of this month that I started to wade back into trying to knit again. Strangely, it took a designer admitting to the world that she is dying to motivate me to pick up my needles and cast on.

If any of you are familiar with the designer Cat Bordhi, you may know that earlier this month she posted a letter on her website in which she revealed that she has terminal cancer. You can read the letter here, and the letter also provides an email address where readers can send her messages as well as a link to an organization that people can donate to on her behalf if they wish. The letter itself is worth a read. The letter posted on her website also has a link to a free downloadable pattern for a cowl pattern she designed but had not yet published. It’s called the Rio Calina Cowl. It’s basically knit flat in 2×2 rib (k2, p2) and you can choose when, where, and in what direction to place cables. I only have a foot or so of this cowl knit so far (the pattern calls for around 34 inches before seaming), but I love how it’s looking so far.

My take on Cat Bordhi’s Rio Calina Cowl in progress.

I also got some more work done on my current shawl project, Don’t Huffle the Puff!. I may be getting to the point where I’m ready to add another black stripe, but I’m still currently on the yellow.

The “Don’t Huffle the Puff!” shawl is still currently in progress.

My Neapolitan blanket is currently in progress as well, but I will need to get some more white yarn for it, so it is on a bit of a hiatus right now. Hopefully with me finally being able to go shopping on a more regular basis, that will be sooner rather than later. I think I have enough pink yarn to complete that part of the project, not so sure on the brown portion.

The phone I had been using (an iPhone 5s, which was originally my dad’s before he decided to upgrade) basically decided to bite the dust. Basically, whenever it was off whatever was charging it, the phone would overheat and crash whenever I’d try to use an app…any app. It was a 6 or 7-year-old phone, so it definitely had a long life, but much like the Toshiba Android tablet I used to use, the battery and processor in this iPhone were probably seeing their last days. Once my dad realized what was going on with it, he decided to order me a new phone, and it was delivered the next day. It’s an iPhone SE, which is a budget-model iPhone that’s based off of the iPhone 8 (I don’t really need a lot of bells and whistles when it comes to a phone), but it’s got the same chip and guts as my dad’s iPhone 11 (actually his is an iPhone 11 Pro Max). And while he didn’t ask me which color I wanted, I think he read my mind and got me the (PRODUCT)RED model (proceeds from the sales of this model are donated to charities dedicated to fighting and eliminating HIV/AIDS in Africa). He’s not really the kind to donate to a charity unless he really believes in the cause it’s supporting (he’s donated to a children’s camp that was co-founded by Paul Newman that provides children with serious illnesses a fun and medically-sound place for them and their families to have fun; he’s also made donations to the Toys for Tots initiative, which is run by the Marine Reserves and they collect toys and other popular items to give to kids for Christmas that they might not otherwise get during the holidays because their families are poor or facing financial struggles). I also do love the color red, but I’m glad that some of that money is going towards efforts to combat HIV/AIDS, which is still a problem in parts of Africa.

This phone holds its charge well, and it barely drained any battery power while I was at the store this past weekend, and that included me texting and sending a picture to my dad (he texted me that he needed me to get some clear packing tape while I was there, so I took and sent him a picture of the tape to see if that particular tape would work). We still need to get a case for it, but luckily there is a version of the case my dad uses for his phone that will fit the iPhone SE. He hasn’t ordered it yet, but he told me he’d do so at some point.

While I was at the store, I also decided to treat myself to an Apple gift card, which I pretty much only use to get ebooks. So far, I’ve bought three with this one, two of them on sale:

  • A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara (she’s from Hawaii, and is of Japanese, Korean, and Native Hawaiian descent)
  • Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami (probably one of the most popular authors to come out of Japan; side note, I keep wanting to sing this book’s title to the tune of “Riders on the Storm” by The Doors)
  • Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi (this one is nonfiction, exploring the history of racist ideas throughout American history and how those ideas have played a role in the discrimination of African Americans and people of color)

I’ve also been reading a few other books, although the primary one is The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (about a Black teenage girl who sees her childhood friend killed by a white police officer and how she responds to the aftermath of it all). I also finished the first sequel novel to The Tribe (called A New World) and I’m a few chapters into the second sequel novel, A New Dawn.

I’m glad I’m finally starting to get some mojo back into my life. Now, this isn’t Austin Powers-type mojo (because sexuality and me are basically a paradox), but more of the positive energy-type mojo that people within the LSG group on Ravelry (LSG stands for “Lazy, Stupid, and Godless” and is one of the largest and most irreverent groups on Ravelry…my kind of people) send each other in times of sorrow and need. It’s sort of a “thoughts and prayers” for people who don’t necessarily believe in or use prayer. (Hey, if you believe in the power of prayer, more power to you. For me, encouragement and the channeling of positive energy from others works just as well.) Now that life has kind of settled down for us, maybe my sense of creativity is finally coming back. I hope I can showcase more of my knitting soon.

Before I post, I’m going to leave the song I referenced while talking about Kafka on the Shore, “Riders on the Storm” by The Doors. Don’t you want to sing that book’s title to the tune of that song, too?

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  1. Kris

    love that song–thank you for sharing this. It is so hard to restart when you stop doing something you loved after a death. That sounds messy to read, but I totally get where you are. Bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

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